As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
