Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize