my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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