I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im holly from the hills drunk
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
