It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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