I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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