So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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I think pants incapable of making pants work
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
God, I missed his penis.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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