you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Mom said you looked used
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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