I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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