I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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