Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want to be your penis for a week.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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