So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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