Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
