what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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