I love watching others lives come down to our level.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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