I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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