There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
