Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
