a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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