Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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