There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
