did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
