I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
