I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
