I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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