he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
zippers are such a cool invention
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
