can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
