He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
