just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
