besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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