Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
