On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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