I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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