and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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