I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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