Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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