I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
