I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
