Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
