Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
