its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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