it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
