Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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