well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
