haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
