oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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