I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
