Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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