By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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