Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
