Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
