direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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