You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
