czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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