This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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