Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
